I feel like I am a pretty equitable person. I am stubborn but usually a good loser when proven wrong. I am also pretty down for anything that rattles the status quo when it comes to “traditions” with regards to women in society and minorities. Because traditions and systems so often include antiquated ways of operating, fraught with racism and sexism.
—So clearly, I’m here to talk about dance lessons.
I’m taking them with my fiance in preparation for our wedding (a gift from his family) and its surprisingly been a lot of fun. I went in to the lessons expecting to learn how to move around with my partner in a way that didn’t involve stepping on toes, looking at my feet, or feeling embarrassed when executing a simple slow dance. I kind of laughed it off when the instructor told me it was a great exercise in communication with your partner. But in the past five weeks I have recognized a lot about how my personality and my passions outlined above impact my communication in my relationship, and our dancing.
Turns out I am kind of bossy, and reacted poorly (internally) to being called the “follow” to his “lead” in dance. Queue internal monologue about women and being told to “follow” in oh so many settings. My struggle with the steps and the following bit forced me to talk to him about what I was having a hard time with as we rotated around the floor in a somewhat haphazard fashion. I laughed and let go a little and practiced letting him lead. And it worked!! We were dancing and it was fun, and it looked passable. I remembered I have trust in who I’m working with to not take advantage or let one dynamic set the tone for all dynamics. I realized I needed to practice that myself. I’m learning to trade off who leads and who follows. It’s helping me let go in other areas where my anxieties may “force” me to take the lead, and I’m liking the outcomes.
to dance!