Category: Twenty Somethings

I was having a conversation with someone today about confidence, and they were asking me essentially what allows me to be confident in most situations.  Now like most people I don’t enjoy appearing over confident, or conceited in any way.  However unlike most people, I’m extremely confident in almost everything I do. In general, I feel like I can do just about anything I want to at any time (an incredibly conceited sounding sentence)…. but when you break it down, is feeling like you can do anything bad? If you stop to think about it for a few minutes, its really not bad at all.  I’m not sure where this confidence comes from (surely growing up as a white male I’ve naturally absorbed this view through all the subtle and not so subtle advantages society has given me).  But still, there are plenty of other white males I know that don’t feel confident in doing many activities (most) activities…..

Now one big thing I should mention is that if I don’t understand something or don’t feel like I know enough about something I want to do then I have no problem admitting that or asking for help, even in a very public way like in a meeting or in a group of people (having the confidence to admit you don’t know is such an important part of life, it really frees you up to be yourself).  I really am not 100% sure why I’m confident with most activities though, I’ve been that way as long as I can remember.  I’d love to figure it out though (preferably before I have kids so I can help try to instill good confidence in them).  If I were to guess right now in this moment I’d say:

-playing sports/competing against other people.  This has contributed a great deal to my confidence over the years (I’ve touched on benefits of contacts sports before)

-great/confident parents. Both of my parents are very assertive and handle themselves very confidently

-being born a male (this has to be on there unfortunately, I think in so many ways being born a male makes it easier to be confident, although hopefully this can continue to change/evolve in a positive direction)

-taking self defense/karate classes + sparring/fighting people regularly.  This is a huge one, possible the biggest one in my mind right now. Having a game plan to defend yourself and your loved ones is a very comforting feeling. Never feeling “afraid”, simply thinking “oh yea I would do xyz” is a very re-assuring feeling.

-supportive friends.  This is a real wild card, I’ve had excellent friends growing up though. Some of this was due to my good choices, dropping friends who were questionable and keeping good people around me. But there has also been some great luck in this department….

-good role models (my hockey coach growing up, my kempo instructor now, some of my dads’s close friends + my parents, my sisters ect…)

I’m sure there are many more reasons (probably thousands) but someday I’d like to hopefully come up with what I feel are the biggest/most influential reasons so I can hopefully pass that onto younger people in my family (aka Harv and any other little ones that we may have)

If I ever have a child, and its strange to think I’m technically at the age where having a child is a normal thing to do, but if I do end up having a kid I’m going to make sure they have the opportunity to play a team sport (preferably a contact sport…. and if I’m honest hopefully they choose hockey.)

Playing on a team is such an interesting and enriching experience.  You learn to count on other people, work together with other people.  You learn what if feels like to be part of something larger than yourself, and you also get a first had view of adversity.  Every one of these experiences will help them as an adult, and looking back on my 27 years of life I think a lot of the make up of my personality stems from playing hockey as a kid.  Its so fascinating how much of it is woven into the fabric of my being, take for example:

– I really look down on people who fake things (injuries, emotions, tell lies ect…).  In hockey this is called “taking a dive”, and its one of the worst things you can do.

– When I’m working in a team setting and we fail, my first gut reaction is always to look at myself and think about what I could do better. More so than any professional sport, hockey players don’t pass blame, its part of the culture.  Its a team game, but when something goes wrong look in the mirror, don’t look over your shoulder for someone to blame.  I’m not sure how cultures develop around a sport. Take for example soccer, its part of the game to take dives and roll around pretending you are hurt (probably the main reason soccer has not caught on more in the US).  I’m not sure when or how that started, and I’m also not sure how the culture of toughness started around hockey but both cultures are are large part of both sports.

– I value “assists” more than my own personal goals.  More than any other sport hockey recognizes “assists”.  Some would argue too much so, but in hockey the 2 previous people to touch the puck get credit with an assist when a goal is scored.  In basketball unless you make a pass that leads directly to a point you do not get an assist.  In baseball you can get a throwing assist, but you can’t get 2 on the same play on a long relay.  In football only the QB and Receiver get on the stat sheet for a touchdown…. the list goes on. In hockey the assist is valued more so than other sports

– I have a temper and I will not back down from anyone.  I can credit this one almost directly to playing hockey.  In general I’m a pretty passive or at least non aggressive fun loving person.  But I’m not afraid to get into a situation and mix things up (some credit for this must also go to the years I’ve spent studying kempo karate) but my first memories of mixing things up come from middle school playing hockey and learning to not let someone take advantage of me.  If your too passive in life, people will take advantage of you. If your too much of a dick in life somewhere down the line there will be an enforcer around to tune you up (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2xTtkozOvdg)… I never get tired of watching that fight!

I’m sure I could sit and write about 2 pages worth of these snippets on how hockey has effected my personality, but the moral of the story is if I have a kid someday (Girl or Boy) I’m going to encourage them to follow their heart and do whatever it is they love… but you can bet I will be encouraging them to play hockey!