Category: Julia

For the first time since freshman year of college (when I lived in the dorms) I am not tied to a year-long lease or living in a house with all of my things around me. Everything I own is sitting, hopefully not broken after a rough move, in a 5.5X7 ft. storage unit for a mere $75/month. I am taking full advantage of a generous family member and living in their furnished (people-free) apartment and I have some decisions to make!

Its been equally thrilling/depressing/terrifying/hopeful to be in this place where I feel the need to make some more big changes:

1. Should I discuss with my relative about living in their apartment long enough to make it through the big work event/project I am in the middle of planning (comes to fruition in mid-November) and then quit/travel/come back to find a new job?
2. Should I plan to move back home to St. Louis and find a job working as a counselor – finally using my degree as I originally intended?
3. Should I look for a place of my own in this city and move in next month or the one after that; and look for work as a counselor here?
4. Should I get through the work event/project thing and then move to Denver?

The commonality here is that I am definitely looking to get back to my roots in terms of the kind of work I am doing. I have learned a lot here over the year, some of that being that event planning and marketing is not really my passion. even if its for an organization with a great cause. Also common among all of these options is remembering I am an adult and planning my student loan payments out (finally consolidated) and keeping up my obligations to the 3 sets of doctors I will have appointments with over the next 6 months – and what planning that around leaving the city for a short time or forever would mean.

I was talking to an acquaintance about the paralyzing factor to feeling like all possible choices are sitting out before you and nothing is off limits. Its funny to know that even people I don’t know that well also feel this way. But I am working on just being observant. Looking around and seeing if a job option really speaks to me; doing some research about where I could travel and live cheap for a few months and what I could spend my time doing should I go down that path. And appreciating my insane fortune to have a family that loves me and is willing to put me up in a home, no questions asked.

Apparently its common at age 27 to finally be holding all the adult cards in life. Your done with graduate school by then, and your loans grace period is up (and the period where you made so little money they didn’t ask for any. Oops compounding interest). You’re probably on you own cellphone plan and health insurance. You may have skated by with car insurance through your mom or dad but now they’re handing that over too. You’re paying rent and bills and living your life while realizing that that future with kids and a family really isn’t that far away…

Some of what is above is true for me and I am finally admitting I need to budget, for real. Thus far I have gotten by and “budgeted” by knowing I wasn’t spending all the money on my paycheck every two weeks, and when I did dipping into my savings. A year and a half of that later and my savings is dwindling quite low and new expenses are coming my way. I have had a Mint.com account since a friend showed it to me in college but I never really used it. I thought I should start with something more simple and then when a real budget comes together, transfer it over to Mint for upkeep and tracking.

A co-worker sent me this and its a really quick way to see what your budget is looking like. I’m on phase one of tracking my expenses for the month to see exactly how much is going out for groceries, food, entertainment, travel, etc. Panic attack coming soon.

http://www.kiplinger.com/tool/spending/T007-S001-budgeting-worksheet-a-household-budget-for-today-a/ 

I think my thirty, forty, fifty year-old self will be thankful I owned being an adult.

Dealing with people isn’t getting any easier the older you get. Like a Bell Curve, where in the beginning and end you could give a shit what people think about you/have no pretense about complexities in relationships. But in the middle is where you’re always pretty much within one standard deviation away from the apex of the curve.  Your relationships are more difficult, and there is so much potential for unspoken issues that sit, like giant pink polka-dot elephants in the room.

What’s the best way to deal with this average place, where we spend the majority of our lives dealing with all kinds of relationships? Wishing it away to a time ‘back when things were simpler’ or looking ahead to when you will be old and ‘just won’t give a damn’ isn’t very constructive; but that’s what plenty of people do.

I’m wondering now, as I wade through several surprisingly confusing relationships in my own life, if it is fear that keeps people just a step away from that damned standard deviation. The majority of people behave a certain way regarding their relationships, so why shouldn’t you do as they do?

I’m working up the courage to not adhere to the norm and if I have to deal with confusing relationships I am going to be as close the the edges of that bell curve as possible. For me, this means saying how I feel and not first worrying about what the other person may think/construe from my words. It means learning that some of the relationships I value most are somewhat unhealthy for me – and working hard to be more honest with myself, my feelings and whoever the relationship includes. Basically not letting the people continue to ignore the elephant. He’s fucking there and pink and polka-dot.

Lets acknowledge this and either work around it or agree that maybe its just best that we both leave the room.

“So, let go of things. Stop deciding an unknown future based on a temporary bliss and fleeting acceptance. Be selfish. Be you and who you want to be without the pressures of outside opinions.”

I just read an article called “Being Selfish Isn’t Being Rude…It’s Putting Your Happiness First” and it was like someone wrote it especially for me. The quote above jumped out at me as I read and I wanted to share it here. A friend recently told me that I am too nice and do too much for others and care too much for them as well. I usually chalk it up to a part of my personality that just won’t quit and keep moving. But this article spoke to so much that I feel; like helping someone all day or being pre-occupied with others and situations outside myself to the point where I am not taking the time to find my own direction and make my own plans.

In the ‘Summer of Julia’, a corny but hopefully true plan for the short sun-filled months ahead I think I am going to incorporate taking time to be intentionally selfish into my life. Maybe I will learn something about myself and the kind of person I am, without putting so much weight on what others expect of me.

Find the whole article here.