I’m pretty sure I have been going through the various stages of the trendily-named “quarter-life crisis” for the past five years. I’m getting to the point where I am pretty sure I should be worried about this, really worried. And I’m trying to bring it to an end…
I have read all of the articles that tell us our huge uncertainty is simply an effect of having so many more viable options in what life can offer. Knowing it’s the endless options causing my heat-thumping, short of breath, dizzy so you have to remember to breathe deeply, panic moments; I find myself wanting someone to choose for me. Which isn’t possible – for someone to tell you how to live your life – unless you’re into indentured servitude,then go for it.
Since I don’t have a thing for indentured servitude, and I know no one else can direct me, I have been slugging it out. I haven’t found much comfort in blaming the innumerable options. I grew up being told I could do whatever I wanted and be accomplished, because I was smart and a hard worker. And now, not knowing what I want to do has led me to feel not so smart and blasé about all the hard work behind and ahead of me. Its not the options fault, or the fault of being privileged enough to be born into a country and society where this and a couple of other things top my “biggest concern” list. Its my fault for not trusting the process.
If there are two options before me, or endless options, I am attempting to pull myself out of this panicky-hole and trust that each little change I make will make a difference. The change from writing on my computer and saving files in Word, to publishing my thoughts on a blog; the change to work out everyday (or lose $50 a week to a friend); the change to take care of potential health concerns before they develop into anything serious; all of those little things are going to get me where I need to go. I’m making a concerted effort to believe this, to uphold my small changes, and to not give up when things aren’t magically perfect two or three weeks from now.
Hopefully one day soon the free-fall feeling that is associated with making big decisions will subside. Or maybe my small intentional changes will help me appreciate the free-fall into whatever is coming next.
J.