sometimes, usually late at night, I stop and think about how you are gone. How the world just keeps turning and life continues on. I don’t know if I will ever get to see you again, and that scares me. The finality of it all is hard to fully comprehend. In my normal day to day life I don’t feel like you are gone. I feel like I simply have not hung out with you in a while. I get the urge to email you every now and then. I think deep down I really just can’t believe that I wont be able to ask you any more questions, won’t be able to get your input on life…. there will be no more thanksgiving dinners with you trying to weasel me into bringing a date….. its all pretty overwhelming if I let myself stop to fully embrace it. I have grief, and regret that I didn’t spend more time with you. But mainly I just miss the future fun times we would (should) have been able to have. I catch myself thinking about my Mom and You a lot as well, I know you were her best friend. I’m not sure how to help her or comfort her. I’m not really sure how to help or comfort Steve either. I want to, I should have asked you how I could help Steve and Alex the last time we hung out. That visit was so much fun.
I’m going to try to keep living with purpose, and not float through days. The last promise you asked me to make (well the second to last one at least) I’ve been working on that a bit. Its still kind of scary and I’m not positive if I will end up doing it, but at the very least I have a little bit of a plan in place so that’s something.